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So long story short, I was with my boyfriend for over a year. His behaviors were very odd - disappearing acts, always broke, never there for me, and always borrowing money from me. He came clean about a cocaine addiction a month ago. he told me he spends $2000 a week on cocaine. He enrolled himself in a halfway house. (Has not started yet). Anyways 2 weeks ago, I got so fed up with his habits. He came to me asking for money to eat. At first I said no because he already owes me $2000, then finally I gave in and gave him $20 to eat and said he could pay me back the next day. I went to get my money the next day and he said he didn't have it. I got sooo fed up with his habits that that night I blew up and left 10 nasty messages on his phone. I also told him I need to start seeing some of this money that he keeps "promising" to pay back. After that night, I never heard from him again..I know this breakup is the right thing....but I guess my question is, do you think he was only with me for money/ to enable his habit and they second I stopped giving in to helping him is why he stopped talking to me?
I am a former addict. It took me ten years to stop hurting others and taking advantage of people who care about me just to get high. Unfortunately in this situation, you are the enabler. As soon as you stopped the cash, the contact with him stopped because you took away what he got from your relationship. Yes. He stopped talking to you because cocaine is his priority. 2000 a week is an outrageous lie. At my prime cocaine usage, i couldn't go through that much. Especially because if you spend that much you get so much drugs that you could live off selling half of it and never ever have to borrow money and you get to stay high all the time. Its sad, and hurtful, but it looks as though you were being used. Just remember that he didn't do this TO you on purpose, but rather it was a consequence of him pursuing his own selfish desires without caring how he affects others. Don't take it personally, but rather be confident that you did try to support and help him until he took too much from you. To continue to enable him would be very unhealthy for both of you, and you made the right choice. Unfortunately there are those people in the world who we care for deeply who don't care enough about themselves to change. If you do feel like helping him, or he gives you a pity party in the future and you HAVE to help for some reason: provide the goods. Never the money. If he needs to eat, he can do it with a dollar at any fast food place. 20 bucks is outrageous for food and coincidentally is usually the smallest bag a dealer will sell. He wont starve on a burger a day. Don't take any more crap from him should he return in your life. Set clear cut boundaries because he WILL take advantage again unless you remain in control. Never give him money ever again. I know its horrible, but also watch out if he's around again. Addicts find reasons to justify lying, cheating, and stealing to provide for their addictions. They will honestly delude themselves into believing they really are going to pay you back somehow, but as soon as they're out of drugs, that goes by the wayside. I would definitely set a stipulation that if he is ever to contact you again he MUST be at least pennsylvania treatment, if not done with a program and back on his feet on his own. Better for you, in my opinion is to cut your losses. If he rights himself, then maybe the man has a place somewhere in your life in the FAR future. I dont know how attached you are. I do know that now you know what to look for. Normal people hold normal jobs, pay their bills, are kinda broke sometimes, but well taken care of because they love themselves and their money goes to their life and not up their nose. You have ammo to move forward and make a better decision when it comes to what you want in a man. Forward motion.
Yes, your smart to dump him. Get him help and be supporive but DON'T give him money. Come up with payment plan to pay u back Answer mine?