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I really want to help my fiance out with our soon to be debts when were married, since were taking out a loan to get married. I personally dont care for half of the things that were saving up for, however, there are " traditional" requirements that my parents are insisting for. I want to help him out as much as I can when were married- so we wont have to go through crazy debt and face problems, so I want to return back my diamond ring ( wearing another ring he bought for me ), and that way we can be a few thousand dollars down. We have our lives ahead of us and Im sure that he will get me something beautiful in our future but I do want to be as helpful as I can. I dont care for rings because to me, a ring doesn't mean that he loves me. Do you guys think it would be a good idea? to help the love of your life as much as you can even if its to give up your ring? Of course I will discuss this with him, and I hope he does agree. anyway, give me your inputs. Thank you guys !
I totally understand, but the fact of the matter is- to both me and him, its just a ring. he bought me a beautiful ring a while back, its not diamond though ) and I wear that often, but the reason im returning it- is for us. not for my needs but for our needs together to make it easier to be together with less loan. My parents cant pitch in as they believe this is the mans responsibility for these specific costs.
Taking out a loan to get married by buying things you don't even care about because someone else somewhere else has determined that it is "tradition"? YIKES. First of all, you need the integrity to make your own choices. Whether you have a fancy church wedding with all the trimmings or a $20 trip to the justice of the peace is not the real issue. Knowing how you are going to make a life with this man is the first issue. BEFORE you tie the knot, get a clear idea of how each of you intend to manage finances. Find out now if there are large debts already outstanding. Figure out what you value, and what you are willing to sacrifice or save for before you get your feelings hurt or sabotage your long-term financial well-being. Do I think giving up a bauble you can not afford to reduce debt you don't seem committed to having in the first place is a bad idea? NO. I think it is the only adult course of action. I have a gold wedding band, no diamond. It cost about $20 35 years ago. I have never had a diamond, and don't need one. I do own a house with no mortgage, a car with no payment, and have my children's college educations paid for. One will get an oklahoma in the next few years and have no debt of his own. What you have to decide is whether or not you have the personal strength to accept one token of love as sufficient, or whether you need expensive shows to verify that he loves you. I think you know the answer, even before you asked. The money spent is not the real measure of love. A life-time of commitment, honesty, and tolerance together will be. I've been married to the same man for nearly 35 years. No outward symbol will ever capture the depth of our love, so that $20 plain gold band will do to notify the curious that I'm married. That's all it's intended to do. The ring he already gave you will do the same. Wear it proudly.
It's a horrible idea to take out a loan to get married! That's just crazy! Money problems are a huge contributing factor to most divorces, so starting your married life in the hole is not smart. If your parents are "insisting" on certain things, then they need to cough up the bucks for them. Keep your diamond ring, but have a wedding you can pay for without a loan or delay the wedding until you've saved the amount you need. You should get married at the courthouse before you should go into debt for a PARTY.
Personally, I wouldn't get married if it meant I would have to take out a loan. I would wait for another year or two and continue to save. Either that or I would get married with just close family in a small wedding. With all the expenses we are incurring for our wedding (which is fairly simple and budget friendly) I would hate to think of taking out a loan to do so. I also wouldn't want to put up anything as collateral to take out a personal loan to pay for the wedding. Banks won't give out loans if there is nothing as collateral. They can't exactly repo your wedding. Just remember, if you can't afford to pay the loans, whatever collateral you put up will be taken away. Is one day really worth the possibility of losing your house, your car, etc.? I guess, to answer your real question, if you don't have a problem with it, go for it.
This is really something you need to discuss with him. He may be really upset at the thought of you selling a ring that he bought you and paid a lot of money for. But you mentioned in your question that you guys are saving for things you don't care for, and you're saving for things your parents are insisting on. These are things that you really need to address with him. You should never put yourself into debt for things that don't matter to you.
That is sweet of you to offer but dont you think he would be devastated if you had to return your engagement ring if your parents are insisting on tradition they can pay for it. tell the you do not have that kind of money. sort out a budget for the wedding that you can afford without going into debt taking out a loan just so you can have what is effectively a party is not worth it trust me
Dude, get married in a court and tell the extra debt to piss off. You don't want to start a marriage being thousands of dollars in debt. Just marry him and be happy, all for the bargain price of $200, or however much it costs in your town. You don't need to spend $$$ to get married. You know that, right?