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My best friend of 7 years is a black male in an interracial relationship with a white woman. I'm a black woman who has also been in an interracial relationship before, so this is not an issue with me. The problem is sometimes my friend will generalize and make negative comments about black women. He'll say the comments are not directed at me, but I feel disgusted after hearing them anyway. He's currently in a legal case against his last white girl friend. She has two kids by him and is suing for full custody and child support. She's getting an attorney, so he needs one too or he's gonna pay the huge amount of money she is demanding a month. He asked me if he could borrow $1000 for legal, that he'll pay back in 3 payments. He has a good job so I trust him to pay it back. I just got some money in a lawsuit settlement, so I won't miss it. I told him I'd write up a loan agreement for him to sign first. Just yesterday he mentioned a conversation he had with another black man who said that "black men are going with white women because they are more supportive" and don't nag black men as much. This floored me, especially when he wants ohio to loan him a $1000? I told him that I found that offensive and he said the other guy said it not him. I don't understand why he would say stuff like that around me? I know he deals with the flack that comes along with interracial dating, like "hateful" looks, etc. So it seems like he's ranting and expressing his justification for being with a white woman. Whatever the the case, I don't want to hear all this racial crap and his "issues" with black women! Seriously there's enough hatred in the world, I don't want to deal with it from a so called friend. Our last conversation left me physically nauseous. Now I don't want to give him the $1000, what should I do?
I would have a serious talk with this guy. I would let him know that even though he is not directing the comments about black women at you, you are very offended by his words, and that if he really believes what he says about black women, then maybe he should borrow the money from a white woman! With all he has going on, I would be sure to have a signed contract about him paying you back, if you decided to lend him the money. I am a white female, and not racist in the least, and it bothers me very much to hear generalizations about women of any color! There are nagging white chicks and nagging black chicks, there are sweet white women and sweet black women, and he is being an *** if you ask me. Why doesn't he ask his girlfriend to help out with the loan? Good luck with this. If he continues to speak ill of women of color, I would drop him as friend!
Lend him a smaller amount of money. Then tell him how you feel about the comments he makes about black women. This is someone you should see less of whether you have the conversation with him or not. If you can manage it - loan him the smaller amount, that he doesn't have to return. Perfect kiss off. Let him get the rest from those non-black women who are so superior.
I would *definitely* not lend him the money. Tell him he needs to find a white woman to lend him that money. Or just tell him that you've decided it's not a good idea to lend money to friends, you've had some unforeseen bills, blah blah blah. He definitely sounds like he has some issues (to say the least...) I'm not saying dump him as a friend, but there is no reason you need to listen to him be disrespectful to black women.