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I love my Mom and I love my Dad but I'm reaching a breaking point. I just finished part of my degree in college and I'll be moving on to the second part soon so I can begin teaching school children. I have a job. It may not be the best but I'm looking for one that pays more, more hours, or a second job. Right now I work for the school system as a lunch lady. It's good. 6 hours a day 5 days a week but the drawback is it's not full time and every day the school is out for holidays or summer that means no work and no pay. My fiance works in a grocery store full time- he's very hard working and makes almost double what I make. In a few months he will turn 24 and I will turn 23. I still live at home with my parents and he lives 30 minutes away with his parents. When we first dated it was alright. I didnt like the 30 minute drive but I would do it do see him and same opposite. Now 3 and a half years later of doing the same 30 minute pilgrimage back and forth every other day it is getting taxing. I hate having to go at night- not being able to be with him and sleep by his side at night. I hate not having our own place and our own privacy. I hate having to live by my parents strict rules. I love them but I want my own space. I want a house with my fiance. We'll be married in 8 months and it'll sure be weird to have to go home to our own separate houses with our parents after. I cant move with his parents because they have a very small house. Our house is very large and could accommodate us both but I would not want that. My Mom is extremely nosey. She plunders through my things often (anything from raiding my pantie drawer- having to know what the contents of EVERY package that comes in the mail addressed to me contains, reading my diary, going through my purse, etc) and finds things I try to hide from her all the time. I feel like nothing is my own sometimes yet alone if he lived there too. I feel like it would be the ruin of our relationship for her to be plundering in our business all the time and giving her 2 cents all the time. I just really want our own space. I want to be able to have our own ideas on things and blossom as a couple. I feel like we cant do that if we're at home. I'm just worried. If I do a basic average of my paycheck (by stretching the 9 or 10 months I get paid into 12) it's about $500 a month or so. . . My fiance makes about $1,200 a month. So that's about 1,700 a month between us both. I dont have any expenses. I have a cheap phone costing about $25 a month and car insurance of $250 to $300 every 6 months but that's it. My fiance has many bills. He has a credit card bill for things he's bought (though he has perfect credit) he has a $300 car bill every month for his $18,000 car. He has a phone bill of $80 for his phone with all the bells and whistles. Those are only the things I can think of. We really need to write out a budget of what we spend every month. I dont think we can afford a house. My fiance refuses to rent a house- he calls it throwing away money. He wants to buy but home are so expensive- even just a down payment!! However, my parents say they want to sell us the house I live in now. It's 15 acres and a 5,000 square foot house. The home is valued at $200,000 (about) but they'll sell it to us for the value of the land only which is $75,000. They want to move out and build a small home on a plot of land left to them by my grandfather because this place is too much for them now - they are getting in their early and mid 50's now. We're not sure if the band will even give us a loan or morgage for the house given our income. I doubt they'd let us stretch it out enough to get it. My parents wondered it just putting the place in our names would help the bank give us the money. The other idea my Mom puts up is my fiance just moves in with us for a while til we have the money to buy the house. I like the idea but I dont like it too for the same reasons I mentioned earlier. . . I know I'm rambling. I just want a home so bad of my own with my fiance! (though I say fiance but by the time we get a house I know he'll be my husband). Any advice or encouragement or even shared experiences would help me so much. My mind is a bit frazzled right now. I want to be with my fiance, I want peace and privacy, I want a place to call my own, I want a place I can do with as I please, I want freedom. I know havin a home is hard work but I know it'll be a labor of love for me. I know this because times my parents are gone sometimes for a few days or a week I take up caring for the entire house and I actually enjoy the work and take pride in it.
Your boyfriend's right, to some extent. Renting a place is tantamount to throwing money away if you look at it from an investment perspective, but it's not about investing, it's about having a place to yourselves and what you can and can't afford, and if renting is what you need to do to make it happen, then that's what you need to do. I know it would suck, but living with your parents until you just can't take it anymore would be a sound strategy for saving money.
Well, based on your combined income, it's going to be hard, even renting. And while I agree with your fiances statement about renting equating to wasted money, sometimes sanity and privacy have a price tag. My boyfriend and I just moved out of a house we were renting. Rent was $1100 a month. Utilities added another $200-300 per month. With car payment, insurance, cell phones, internet, tv, gas and groceries, dog food/toys/treats there wasn't much left over to save. Our monthly budget for two people was running around $2500 a month. We recently just both moved back home with family for the next 90-120 days to save some cash to buy a fifth wheel to put on the land we just purchased in April. We're making a sacrifice to get to a better place, so it's worth it. Knowing all this, even if you tried to rent on your own you would definitely have to find full time work and bring in more than what you do now. I make $1800 a month and it's barely enough to get by on, and barely meets the minimum financing requirements most finance companies have. So, while I understand your pain associated with family, I also understand the other side of the coin and I don't think you two are quite prepared for it. This is something you really need to sit down with your fiance and talk about if you two plan on trying to make it work. Remember, a little bit of compromise goes a long way.
Your parents are being very generous to offer to sell at such a potential loss to them. Your fiance should look into getting financing for the purchase right away as interest rates and lending practices will be changing very very soon. It sounds like he might qualify for a 30 year with his income and credit score, and it will be less complicated if your parents sell it to him as an individual now. That's the part that needs to happen as far as the banks are concerned. Now, as far as the rest of you are concerned you should draw up a legal agreement that says your parents and you have the right to live in the house until such time as your parents sign away that right (which will happen once they take residence somewhere else.) Also, once you are legally married to him the agreement is that you will be added to the deed of the house. Make sure you follow through and get everything notarized. If you want a shot at owning a house this is your best one, and since your fiance refuses to rent then you're going to have to hang in there with your mother until they get another place.
At 23 you should have established your right to a reasonable amount of privacy in your home regardless who owns it. A lock on your bedroom door would be a start, or lockable cupboards/drawers failing that. Your Mother, while new-york to be concerned, shouldn't think that she has the right to "snoop", as you aren't a teen. Buying the family home may not be such a good idea. With your Mother's way of thinking it may always be hers too, and that might mean little privacy if you do sell. Or she could play the "But we GAVE it to you (so cheap)" to excuse her interest. Or "Why did you change that?" when you want to make it your home. Putting it in just his name wouldn't be a good idea, if things don't work out.
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