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Right now I make more money than my fiance. My fiance's debt is more than double my TOTAL debt. My total debt is around $25K which includes my car, student loan and credit card debt. I am not a home owner. My fiance currently owes over $50K in debt which includes his car, personal loans and credit card debt. If you add in his student loan debt his debt goes up even more. He is also a home owner. When I add in how much he owes on his home his debt goes up even more than that. We have a plan to pay off all of our debt (except for his home and his student loan) before we are married. I should also add that part of his 50K debt includes a balance of $2500 on my engagement ring. I do love him very much. Here is my question. Am I being selfish to think he owes way too much money and it is causing me to have second thoughts about our relationship? Is it wrong for me to resent that I will actually help him pay off the balance on my engagement ring?
It is almost like I have painted him as a terrible monster who is irresponsible. I actually think he is very responsible. He owns his own home and from what I know pays his bills on time...I am overly responsible and have already attracted someone in my past who is not as responsible as I am so this is why the red flags are going off. Thanks to everyone for your response. I do have a lot of thinking to do....
Red flag! Girly, put the brakes on NOW. You're walking right into trouble. Apparently you've been fairly responsible with your debt - 25K, including a student loan, isn't bad at all. Looks as if you're stable, but he's sorta teetering. I learned the hard way that certain people who are what is known as "over-responsible" (OR) seem to attract others who are "under-responsible" (UR). It's a match made in hell. Sooner or later the mississippi gets tired of bailing out the UR, and the UR gets tired of being nagged by the OR. This isn't affecting you yet, likely, because your guy's behavior hasn't put you in the middle YET. He appears to have no real plan other than using you as a temporary shelter from his reality. What happens when he continues to spend irresponsibly, and the phone is ringing off the hook from his creditors? That affects YOU and YOUR peace of mind, too!!! What happens when he flakes on his share of household responsibilities? Are you gonna sit around with no electricity or gas, or will you fall into the trap of, "well, I can take care of it THIS time, it's not really that bad", and "THIS time" starts to become "EVERY time"? Come on now. It will be 100000% more difficult to work this issue out if you get married first, and worse if you have children or other mutual responsibilities and it's still not worked out. If you are wondering enough to even be asking here, something's not quite right. I admire your courage and I wish I'd have been asking the same questions once upon a time. Yes, you love him. But sometimes, someone who is good TO you isn't necessarily that good FOR you. Don't be afraid to say "NO"!!! You might need some work (like me) in getting your own needs met. I am reading a most wonderful book now called "Loving Choices" by Dr. Bruce Fisher. I just got it, and it is filled with great inspiration on how to love one's SELF without feeling selfish, and how doing that better actually prepares us to make better choices in what we do with our relationships. A must-read. Best of luck.
I agree with several of the above answers. Money and specifically debts become a serious problem in many marriages, especially when one had accumulated more debt than the other IT can lead to resentment and bitter feelings, as well as not really help the person with the debt change their spending habits. Money pressures are one of the leading causes of divorce. IF you are not comfortable with using your money to pay his debt, then postpone the wedding. This poor money management may have other neg ramifications further down teh matrimonial road. Please be very carefull.
It's great paying off debt. My personal opinion is this: Pay it off AFTER you are married. That way you can't pay it off and he decides to "change his mind" about getting married because his debt is now gone. You guys really should talk about spending and finances and expectations of such once married, BEFORE you actually do get married so you know what you are getting yourself into and his spending habits and everything. You want to know that if you pay off the debt it won't reappear in only a year or two all over again without your consent because he tends to be a "spender".Money issues are the number one cause of divorce I believe (I think I read it somewhere) so getting this issue resolved before you tie the knot is somewhat crucial.
Well marriage says in richer or for poorer...if u really beleive it then go...but still think about it,,sometyms money can be a cause of failing relationship in the end, if you are having second thoughts..it means you really need some thinking to do and you are not being selfish. u live in the real life and it really sucks to have this financial difficulties, there's no such thing as sweet life and perfect bliss when you are deep in debt in the back of your mind...anyway good luck girl
It is not wrong to think a bit of your future. It'a hard to carry the weight of debt on your shoulders when you are just going to start out your lives together. If you think about it you will be paying more on debt then actual things you can enjoy.
No I think it's normal to have second thoughts because you will be inheriting his debt and it will effect your entire life.
Lol, money sucks but we can't live without it. its kinda sad that it can ruin relationships and stuff, but yes, it is kinda selfish and if you truly love him then money woes shouldn't pose too great an impact on your relationship
Gold digger. This is why men don't want women who make more then them. It's not because they feel like less of a man. It's because women are way too materialistic, and having money gets into their heads.