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One of my family members lost their job and many of their bills are in the gc hands they are about to lose their home while desperately trying to find another job...i can help them, as i can more than afford to. however, my husband will not let me, his reasoning? they dont deserve it. he says they shuldve made better financial choices and shuld deal w/their own problems... he gets very upset w/me if i ever bring up helping any of them anytime. he says i need to stop putting them first which is not what i am doing. it hurts for me to see my family suffer, but he doesnt understand. i try to talk to him as best as i could but the talks just turn into fights bc he is being very insensitive. i dont konw what to do. my family knows he doesnt want to help, they didnt even ask for it, i just asked him can i offer? they are dealing w/it as best as they could. but, i as their daughter cannot live w/myself to know that i can help but i'm not allowed to
And i'm starting to lose all my love/.respect for my husband. i dont want to but he forces me to. i just want to know what would u do??i work too but w/my husband, its a family business, we are doing great, and no, they'er not into any gambling or anything like that, they are good christian people, they might not have been too good with how they manage their finances from the perspective getting into credit card debt, but see before this person lost her job they wer able to manage ok, thightly but ok. parents are ill, and other problems, but they were able to get by. i dont think they ever made any bad choices, i think they just did what they could do as best as they could. my hubby says a lot of they shuldve /shuldnt but i love them, i cant watch them lose their house when i know i can help. i never was able to ever help them not even once...if i ask my husband to erad anything like this he gets irritated...i love to help others if i can.
Oh man this is tough. Not because you want to help your family, but because it could put your's and your husband's business at risk. But based on what you've said here, it sounds to me like your parents raised you with more Christian morals than your husband has. "To give is to receive". I'm sad you have to have this battle with your husband, but as a 'savvy' business man, he know's there can be a win-win here. The real estate market just took a major shake-down and alot of people got hurt in the process. The rates have come down again and the idiots that got too creative with finance programs lost their butts. I just helped my 82 yr. old mother in law with a refinance/consolidation loan that will save her a lot of money. She wasn't in trouble and has excellent credit. This was done to simplify her life and slash the interest rates because she had been taken advantage of. While your parents credit scores are probably negatively affected by this trend, there are creative ways to bail them out. Go to Bankrate.com and enter all the relevant info. to see what rate they qualify for. If your parents want to save their home, they have to be forthcoming about all info. relevant to their credit problems, ie. any 30, 60, or 90 day late payments on anything that would have been reported to the credit bureaus. There's also lot's of info available on Bankrate's website that will help you and them understand how to best deal with this. Know that the mortgage co.'s don't want to take the loss either, so there's help available. But first you have to get the financial facts so you know what you're dealing with. If they are truly upside down, there's no way to salvage the home with a refinance, consolidation, fixed rates, you co-signing or anything, then it's what it is. You wouldn't want to do that to your husband and your family wouldn't want to do that to you. If the picture is not that grim, then hey, get creative. The interest is a write-off and you have a new investment, and all business owner's can use those. If you refinance to a good fixed rate and they default for some reason, then you've acquired more real estate. Just make sure you've written a good contract (and there must be one). Do some research, get the numbers together, and maybe after you've done that, if all things weigh out properly, your hubby may go for it after all. Just make sure you respect him enough not to dig yourselves into a financial grave.
That makes it tough.. sometimes tough love is what some people need but from you saying it sounds more like needs a little help.. you have to think how much can you help and not hurt your relationship with your hubby.. you don't want to take away from your lively hood and it not even be enough to help the people in the first place.. maybe you can help in a different way. like where they need to find a place to live and job places. maybe they can file bankruptcy or something and that would get them out of everything and really be setting better then before. if you make your own money and wanted to help a few bucks here and there and its not taking away from your family and bills i would probably help them a little. heres a good place to look for work in your area.. good luck
As much as you would like to help your parents, you cannot spend large sums of your husbands money without his permission!! Now if you have your own money - you can do what you want to with it. Perhaps your husband knows that there is no way to fix your parents problem. I mean are you planning to pay their monthly mortgage payment and all their bills for them?? Your husband must be very wealthy because most families today do not have the kind of money to pay for 2 houses. Perhaps there is a less expensive way to help!! If they are low income there are social service programs such as HUD that can help. Are they old enough for medicare to help with their medical expenses??? Perhaps they could sell their house and have enough to go get a nice apartment or a smaller house closer to medical facilities. A building is not what makes a home the people are what make home!!! Instead of asking for money to help your parents ask your Hubby if he has any ideas that won't cost him anything that might help your folks!! And perhaps mention that if your parents end up with nowhere to live they can come stay with you!!!!! he may suddenly be more willing to help them!!! As for your relationship with your hubby - it sounds like you are just mad with him right now! Tell him that you understand his concerns and reasons but that if it was his parents you would gladly do whatever you could to help them. That you do not want to hurt himand yourself financially but that you want to be a good daughter and it hurts to see your parents suffering no matter what the reason is!!! Ask him nicely for suggestions! Do not let this thing ove your parent's finances be the undoing of your marriage! I doubt that your folks would want that!! If you cannot help financially, then give them your moral support and offer to help them move when the time comes!! Good Luck!!!
I dont know.... you're married now so the money is "ours" and not "his" and "hers". If you guys have a budget and shared income, he may not be ok with you giving your money away, even if it is to family members in need. If you are more than able to afford to help out, maybe there are ways you can help that arent "giving handouts". As in, give them gift cards to grocery stores so they can buy food, or maybe paying a bill for them here and there- small bills, not huge ones that your husband will notice. I realize that you want to help, but marriage is compromise, and right now, you should agree on finances, otherwise you may end up helping your family, but losing your husband.
Seems that your husband is in charge here. Do you need permit ion to take the money out? Do you think he will divorce you if you help? Does he think he will never get the money back? I understand if that is the case. But if you are talking about your parents... wow... Cry, that he can see some tears, that usually works and you have a reason to cry. Let him know how unhappy you will be, if he does not help! Good luck!
Good for you for trying to do the right thing. If you really want to help do it but do it only under the conditions that they pay you back. That would ease his mind a bit but you have to get a contract signed and you have to see a financial portfolio from them. You need to know how you are going to get paid back and when. You need to know what they can afford but you only help them if they agree to no more CC until you are paid back. If you do help though you do need your husband consent. It is his money too. Ask him what his reservations are and if they can be eased then do so. He needs to be in on this too.
I know i am going against the grain with this one but i have to agree with your husband my brother in law has a million dollar house him and his wife work hard for it but the house is somewhat sparse on furniture they have no college fund established for any of their 3 children but they feel the need to live a certain lifestyle as is he comes over from time to time to ask my mother in law ( his mom ) for money she constantly refuses all it would take is for one of them to lose their well paying jobs for him to lose the house, maybe the BMW too most people do not allow for their lifestyle most do not have 1 years worth of mortgage money saved up in case of lay off i know of only 1 person who did, got laid off , found a job, and then later paid off his house only 1 in all the people i know most everybody else just live beyond their means and few will readjust even if you lent them money you husband must listen to Suze Orman as she would advise to not lend money as to take care of you own future first then you can help
I would help people who were having a tuff time because jobs were being shut down, or they may have had injuries and need money to get hospital and doctor help, some need help when children have had accidents or contacted a bad sickness or disease. If I had the money I would give help.
I would just help them. They're your parents. Hello!!!! Must I say more. Now, you said that you have a business that is doing well. What if your business wasn't doing so well? Remember business is a scary thing. FEAST mississippi FAMINE. If that happened to you and you needed help, would your jacka** husband allow your parents to help if they could? Who cares what he says. Stand up for yourself.
If it was my family in trouble i would do whatever i could do to help without putting myself or my family at risk,regardless what anyone had to say